***I found this blog in my drafts. I wrote it in late February and never felt it was finished enough to post. However, it is definitely heavy stuff that should be shared because I’m not the only one that goes through these times.***
The past two months have been quite a whirlwind for my fiance and I. While we were wanting the last few months of being in Ohio to go by quickly, we did not enjoy the circumstances that kept us busy. The first year here in Ohio was cake compared to the way this one has been going. I am so glad that my time here is coming to an end. I could use a positive change, for sure.
A couple of weeks before Christmas, we found out that my stepdad had rectal cancer. While this is terrible news within itself, under the circumstances of my family and my distance from everyone made it harder. The shortages of life and the unfortunate truth of having to keep pushing forward felt like a new weight within itself.
A couple of weeks after the new year, my fiance lost his grandfather and about a week and a half later, I got news that one of my best friends died in a car accident. And still we had to continue forward, knowing that we had to move soon. As rough as it has been, that’s life. I miss my friend dearly and my heart aches to speak to her again or hug her again, but I know I can’t continue to cry every day. She wouldn’t want me to.
I’ve learned a lot in being away from everything I find familiar, a lot about myself, the world, and everything around me. I feel I have learned to appreciate the people that I have in my life; the ones that stick around. I’ve learned to never force a relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise. If it’s not there then it’s just not there. Those relationships that come naturally and stick around deserve as much appreciation as I can show, because those are rare in this world.
And then with all the loss we have experienced. Everything has happened so quickly. Suddenly relationships that you weren’t ready to give up, literally drop out of existence. You realize how much that part of your life meant to you because now you don’t have them. This has forced me into a mindset of appreciating those around me, like the old saying says, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” It puts every other relationship into perspective. Have I fully appreciated their existence, their affect on myself and the world around them? It’s causing a lot of changes in my communication with those around me, both close and not as close.
R.I.P. Charles Kestner- You loved my mother unconditionally and never stopped
R.I.P. Hayley McHam Byrd- I wish I could write something here that would show the appropriate appreciation. I can’t express how much I miss you.