Getting Fit For Our Upcoming Life Changes :)

We convince ourselves, growing up that we have an obligation to our family. No matter what happens, you’re supposed to be there for each other. You grow up watching it all around you. People giving up their own lives and plans to take care those that raised them. But I am learning that sometimes it’s not that perfect. I have to be able to carry myself and stand on my own feet.

I can only handle so much of people standing on my feet. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I know it is something I need in my life. When you care about those that are your blood, it carries a whole new kind of weight and emotional distraction that takes over every part of your life. At least for me it did. But essentially I had to come to the realization that nothing was going to change. I cannot be held responsible for those that aren’t willing to take responsibility for themselves. I am an adult, not a child and constantly staying concerned about your drama not only affects my personal life, it affects my professional, and emotional life. It jars me of my personality and self awareness and I cannot continue to allow it to do that. My life is more important to me than that.

Meanwhile, I am trying to keep up with self developmental hobbies. Nutrition, reading, writing (such as this), working out. And simply having a good positive conversation with a friend. I remain focused on upcoming events of the month. 

I just began a workout that I intend on seeing through for a full month to get back in the habit of working out. I am using P90x as my inspiration and driving force, while I don’t think that I have the fitness level to even attempt p90x, hopefully I can get closer to it after this month. I just really need to get out of this lazy slump. 

SO, for the next 3 weeks (starting today: Saturday) this is my schedule,

  • Saturday: Start with 2 miles on the treadmill > Chest and back workouts with weights, ab busting workouts 
  • Sunday: Heavy Cardio (30 minutes of intense cardio, 12 minutes of light cardio, 30 minutes of intense cardio, 10 minute cool down)This might change depending on what I find I can handle.
  • Monday: Start with 2 miles on the treadmill > Shoulder and arm workouts with weight, ab busting workouts
  • Tuesday: Yoga day!
  • Wednesday: Start with 2 miles on the treadmill > Leg and back workouts, ab busting workouts
  • Thursday: Heavy Cardio (30 minutes of intense cardio, 12 minutes of light cardio, 30 minutes of intense cardio, 10 minute cool down)with this being my day off it should be a nice way to get going in the morning
  • Friday: Rest day 



Three weeks of this and I want to plan an intense 4th week. So we will see what I can come up with.🙂
Probably wondering why I want to do so much so quick and it’s because Sam and I are planning a special vacation coming up next month. It will be a little more than a month from now and I want to basically look my best.🙂

Sam and I have big plans that are currently going into motion, it is just going to require planning, balancing, a bit of juggling, and time. But things are finally going into motion. It’s a little scary, but exciting too. All we know is that we’re ready. 


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When Good Things Begin to Come..

Good things in the works officially beginning as of tomorrow. Our lives will fleet forward with swift ambition. It’s an eerie feeling, knowing that there are fantastic possibilities in sight. I feel like a toddler trying to walk. I am afraid that I will fall, but in the end I know I’ll get back up again. But I also know this is going to shape me massively as a person.

Even better is that all this time, the work we have still been doing is going to pay off. My regular job is going to benefit what we are planning and help make things even more simple for us. Much work to be put in, but the path will not have a whole lot of huge road blocks, At least the usual expected ones. 

This is the path that I’ve been looking for with my life and it’s a huge relief to see it begin to work out. 

I am so incredibly excited for the things to come.

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Just a Mouse Running Her Clock

Boy, do I wish I wrote more. I feel like I’ve been away for so long that it’s hard to gather the words together.

My next duty is my own personal well-being, financially, mentally, and physically. All of which, unfortunately, is fuelled by financial stability. But fortunately, for us, we’re smart enough to know what we can handle and with the plans for the next few months, each week is going to be better than the last. With that falling into place, I can fairly easily balance everything else a little bit at a time.

The more and more all of these things fall into place, the easier it’s going to be for us to work creatively. This is something I have been trying to work on for a couple of years now and I finally feel the creativity coming back. I had to learn through several trials that I cannot be limited to one medium. My ideas lie varyingly within different mediums depending upon environment, life, and creativity. I am currently working on some drawings and styles and trying to brush up on my skills. Hopefully I can get things geared back up and start posting artwork for sale within the next couple of months. The photo beneath is a recent drawing of mine which I am using as my own fuel for more creations.


The past several months have been intense times. Various dramatic situations, one right after the other seemed to fall in our path, but gradually as I come to myself and take a step back and take a bigger look at each situation, the path I should take isn’t always as simple as it is clear. Ultimately I have to remember my own well-being and sanity above everything else in my life. If someone tries to stand in the way of the path I am trying to take for myself, I have no choice but to eliminate them. I cannot let ties, blood nor bond, stand in my way. It’s just that sometimes blood is harder to remove than anything, but if it’s going to stand in the way of where my life is going and not be supportive, what choice do I have?


Meanwhile, also within the next couple of months have several events and opportunities to look forward to. I simply have to keep my head up and working. My entire life feels like a clock being run by a mouse. The only way to keep the gears going is to keep parts lined up and maintained and to continue running.  I like to find different checkpoints to look forward to in order to keep my momentum and keep my gears going at high speed so that I don’t get burnt out.

So, as of late, my upcoming checkpoints are:

August 22: Cornetto Trilogy
September 22: Tegan and Sara concert and bestie tattoo
October 31: Halloween duhhh

AND THEN, the holidays!!!

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Can’t Stop Us Now

3 months into our move and I have to say that I feel like we’ve been here much longer.

Not because it’s going by slow, simply because of everything that we’ve gotten done in just those three months. Sam and I both keep incredibly busy, he with his comedy and I with everything that I’ve been doing, which is more than a few things. lol


Sam is already working on several paid gigs. He has done some travelling here and there to get more experience under his belt, while continuing work on his website. He has several ideas for filming here soon. As soon as we get some technical issues out of the way. For those of you new to this and are not familiar with my fiance’s work, he is a comedian based out of Knoxville, Tennessee. His primary focus is his personal comedy website based around the duality of human existence; we all have a darker side of ourselves which we generally keep hidden behind our learned filter in every day life. His comedy separates the two and personifies that dark side as an entirely separate character. His concept collaborates, not only with myself as an artist, but with several of the other local comedians as well as a few select critics and personalities along the way.
The website is located here if you are interested:

(be looking for more work in the near future🙂 )

As for myself, I have been doing a handful of photography packages here and there. This is temporary seeing as my computer is old as dirt and can only do so much. This, however, will be fixed here shortly seeing as we are investing in new equipment and programs for the both of us very soon.

I also began dancing again, this is not only a passion of mine, but also incredible therapy and exercise.
I am also meditating fairly regularly. With everything that I am trying to do at once in my life, I need a balance to help keep me sane and moving. I am also maintaining quite an impressive diet as of late. Low sugar, low fat, high fiber, little to no artificial sweetener or additives, and some occasional wheat. This is more of a lifestyle choice for myself than it is a diet, as well as something that I’ve wanted to do for myself for a long time. At this point it is simply a matter of maintaining a focused head about it. Seeing as I have health issues that will only become worse if I don’t stick with it, this is a major motivation for me.

I feel like the meditation and dieting are doing exactly what I need them to do, which is to help keep me focused and open minded. There is such a major difference in being here compared to Ohio. I am actually motivated to keep moving. Time doesn’t exist, just what you get done with in that period of time.

I cannot wait to see where we are a few months from now.🙂

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They Say Death Comes in Threes: The Weight of Loss

***I found this blog in my drafts. I wrote it in late February and never felt it was finished enough to post. However, it is definitely heavy stuff that should be shared because I’m not the only one that goes through these times.***

The past two months have been quite a whirlwind for my fiance and I. While we were wanting the last few months of being in Ohio to go by quickly, we did not enjoy the circumstances that kept us busy. The first year here in Ohio was cake compared to the way this one has been going. I am so glad that my time here is coming to an end. I could use a positive change, for sure.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, we found out that my stepdad had rectal cancer. While this is terrible news within itself, under the circumstances of my family and my distance from everyone made it harder. The shortages of life and the unfortunate truth of having to keep pushing forward felt like a new weight within itself.

A couple of weeks after the new year, my fiance lost his grandfather and about a week and a half later, I got news that one of my best friends died in a car accident. And still we had to continue forward, knowing that we had to move soon. As rough as it has been, that’s life. I miss my friend dearly and my heart aches to speak to her again or hug her again, but I know I can’t continue to cry every day. She wouldn’t want me to.

I’ve learned a lot in being away from everything I find familiar, a lot about myself, the world, and everything around me. I feel I have learned to appreciate the people that I have in my life; the ones that stick around. I’ve learned to never force a relationship with someone, friendship or otherwise. If it’s not there then it’s just not there. Those relationships that come naturally and stick around deserve as much appreciation as I can show, because those are rare in this world.


And then with all the loss we have experienced. Everything has happened so quickly. Suddenly relationships that you weren’t ready to give up, literally drop out of existence. You realize how much that part of your life meant to you because now you don’t have them. This has forced me into a mindset of appreciating those around me, like the old saying says, “You never know what you have until it’s gone.” It puts every other relationship into perspective. Have I fully appreciated their existence, their affect on myself and the world around them? It’s causing a lot of changes in my communication with those around me, both close and not as close.

R.I.P. Charles Kestner- You loved my mother unconditionally and never stopped
R.I.P. Hayley McHam Byrd- I wish I could write something here that would show the appropriate appreciation. I can’t express how much I miss you.

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The Balance of Life

ImageAs we prepare for the coming holiday events, I realize that I am glad that we’re moving when we are because not only can I stay constantly busy and working on some idea or project, I also get to learn a lot about myself in the process. Keeping my mind on something helps me realize specific things that I need to improve on and how essential it is for the goals I have for myself.

First, I have high expectations for myself and my life. I know what I am capable of and I know what’s important to me. There is no reason that I can’t take the skills and education that I’ve gained, apply it, and make something of myself. Regardless of the fact that I didin’t finish college.

Second, it’s primarily my obsessiveness and procrastination that holds me back. Sometimes there are things that I obsess over so much, that it almost blinds me to everything else important in my life. It causes imbalance and horrible anxiety. Learning to balance these two are my main focus as of late. I think the hardest part is identifying it and admitting it to myself. However, I did find a blogger/writter, Sid Savara, that writes specifically about these things. While a lot of it is common sense, I think reading it in his daily newsletter is like a confirmation of the information I should already know. Which helps me to apply it to my life much better.

This is my thought process as of late. Learning to balance these things out during this busy time in our life is going to make our lives, when we move, much much easier.

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Clinging to my Creativity

Honestly, it’s really crazy how you start to see life differently when you go out on your own. I always remember how people would always harp about how young people, including myself, don’t know what the real world is like. Most of the time the people that told me this were people who, quite frankly, didn’t know shit about my life, where I had been, or what my view of the world was. The sad part is, I do find myself starting to feel that towards some young people these days. It’s strange how over a short amount of time, your perspective can change and broaden so incredibly much.

I think the hardest part of my getting out on my own was mostly learning to balance things in my life and to juggle money, relationships, work, and basic function of the household, on top of the fact that I chose to do it 400 miles away from 95% of the people I know. It has been stressful, for sure, and I have lost some friends along the way, had some bad and some really bad situations, but essentially, I grew up. 

I have had some people talk down to me along the way. They think I’m stupid for various reasons that they don’t really understand. Some act as though I abandoned my family and try to make me feel guilty for living my own life. But I refuse to take it personally, because I only have one [Life, that is]. 

I’ve always known that I have the capability to do whatever I want to in my life, I never once stopped believing that, even in the hardest of times.

When you’re in high school, it’s generally all the same. All the students are headed toward that same goal; to graduate. Maybe some people have one specific thing that they are particularly passionate about, but what happens with the art student who loves biology, psychology, and craves the knowledge of the universe?

She gets confused, that’s what she does. Confused, and then overwhelmed by the corruption of the world until she shuts down for a bit and essentially separates herself from everything but the one sure thing in her life. Then you realize that nothing is going to happen if you don’t make it; you will not go any further until you rise above what’s bothering you and move past it. Why not enjoy the ride of life and do what you love?

I’ve never been much of a risk taker, but what else am I going to do with my life? I have hobbies. I have interests. I have passions. Why not run with what I love? And maybe things won’t go as planned, maybe I will mess up, but I can’t afford to not take that risk and at least I will never wonder “what if?” 

So this is where my life is at now. I know what I love to do and I want to spend every minute that I can doing it. Maybe it’s not what other people pictured for me, but does that really matter? Maybe I’ll lose more friends along the way, but it happens. It’s not that I want it to, but more the fact that if they’re going to leave on a bad note, then they weren’t really friends to me in the first place. I hate having to keep reminding myself of that, but I also know that I can’t hold myself responsible for their perspective. 

All in all, I’m in a good mindset. I see a lot of good things ahead of us and I can’t wait to experience it. I know it won’t be perfect, but I wouldn’t have wanted anything different. Not only that, but I have my love to thank for everything. He gives me the courage to do this and we’re doing it together. Slowly but surely, every day we build up our lives and take tiny steps forward into the rest of our lives.


And I cannot wait to see where things are in the coming years.❤



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Along With Holidays, Creativity Breaks Anew

With the air growing brisker by the day, we find the holidays creeping up on us faster every day. That being said, we have a lot on our plates to prepare for. Halloween is next week and then we must start preparing for Thanksgiving.

Last year, we couldn’t do a whole lot. I was hanging by a thread at Starbucks because of a huge miscommunication and barely getting enough hours to pay all our bills. It’s pretty crazy all the stress that your body can manage, because looking back now, I don’t know how I handled it.

But this year, this year is different. It will be our last holiday in Ohio and we would like to make the most of it that we can. While we are ultra-ready to get out of this state, we still have people here that mean a lot to us and always will. This holiday will be the perfect time to show them that so we are planning a big Thanksgiving dinner for everyone. Not only that, but it will keep me busy. I like being busy and I enjoy planning things. It will keep my mind off the anticipation of the move.

Then, come December, I get to go spend some time with my family. It will be nice to finally have a holiday with everyone involved. I think my favorite part of this whole thing won’t be the gifts or anything like that, but the night of Christmas Eve when everything is quiet and it’s nothing but you, your family, the smell of pine needles and pumpkin pie and, this year, the added smell of baby powder from the new addition to the family. The anticipation is enough to make a person go crazy, so I spend my days planning, researching, Christmas shopping, and just staying busy in everything that I can.

My creativity has also been very active, blossoming, and changing. Every piece of art that I create is another coal in the fire to my ideas that continue to blaze and become brighter. Pumping my adrenaline more with every piece I finish. I am currently working on a set of photos which is beginning to lead into other ideas for later projects. I am going to allow myself enough time to gather my creativity, thoughts, and ideas and plan a release date of my content so that I can provide a nice range of work to show. Currently thinking of the end of January. I will release a more exact date in the next month or so.

In the mean time, I will leave you with a bit of a teaser photo:

For those of you who are unfamiliar with what site I am affiliated with, this is a promotional shot I did for my boyfriend’s website, He is currently rehashing his Gravemakers podcast starring he and his fellow graveyard buddy just riffing on the everyday drone of working as graveyard shift clerks. If you haven’t heard of it, you should definitely check it out.

I get a feeling that we’re going to bring in 2013 with a bang. I’m so ready.

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Keep Moving

Ever have one of those days where you have so much to do, so many goals, and so many possibilities of screwing something up that you just want to sleep?

That has definitely been about the past week for me.

Our move date is March 1st, so in preparation I have been researching, taking notes, making phone calls, and trying to organize funds so that we will be ready to pack up and take our leave and relax knowing that we’ll be okay within that time period.

Then the current paperwork and wrapping up of our time here in Ohio, Final leases, bills to pay off, taxes to file, etc etc.

That along with putting together photo packages, setting up shoots, and just getting this photography business put back together and helping us out a bit financially.

One step at a time, is what I keep telling myself. Every day there’s a new list of tasks to accomplish. Keeping up with each one and staying on schedule is key. I never know what problems we’re going to come across and I am trying to allow for as much wiggle room and breathe time as I can. I can get it done today? Let’s do it.

Unfortunately this week was a problem week and we had a nice near $300 issue occur with my vehicle when we found out I had a bad starter. Fantastic. I’ve gotten passed the stress of it, there’s nothing I can do about it, I’m just thankful that I’ve gotten fairly decent with money and we can take the hit without it hurting too badly.

In the mean time, I have to stay true to myself. In order to do that, I stay on a proper sleep schedule and focus on my diet. Those two simple things help the very way I function on a daily basis. If I feel good and focused, I will be good and focused.

Today started another detox. 21 days of cleansing and rejuvenating my body. This is sort of my way of clearing my head and digging my heals in to give us a good boost for the coming year. It also gets my body in the habit of running on primarily healthy food and simply not craving bad things. I remember when pop was nasty to me and the thought of even trying to eat a whole candy bar made me feel sick. I need to feel that again..

…well, not so much that as the way I felt on a daily basis without those things. I felt freer, more expressive, more artistic, less worrisome. I miss those feelings.

Keep moving. Those are the words that keep playing in my head. Plow through the problems, keep your head on, and keep moving.


Photo by : Barry Kidd,

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My Year Landmark

On September 12, 2011, while getting coffee with a friend and enjoying the oncoming Tennessee fall weather, I got a call from Starbucks, my pending place of employment. They needed me in Ohio by that weekend.

In order to understand my excitement at that time, you would have to go back a few weeks. After a series of various drama from family, friends, and anyone else who’s life directly affected mine, I had reached a breaking point. Now, as poetic as each situation would make this blog, I’m not going to go into them because of time and the fact that you wouldn’t believe half of them, but let’s just say that everything stupid and plausible that could have happened, did. Which not only left me sleeping on a best friends couch, but made 400 miles away to the one person I felt I belonged with sound pretty damn good. No matter how dark and dreary that state might have been. At least I could separate myself from everything controlling my life.

So I hit the road. I didn’t make it by the weekend, but I was there. Now I could finally focus. Figure out what I wanted with my life without alternate drama affecting my decision.


Now exactly one year later, Sam and I are looking more to the future. Our lease is paid off, our focus is on our careers, and we are continuing to build up our life and let our dreams drive us.

That is not to say that every decision that I or we have made has been completely perfect or a big step. There have been huge problems and major situations that we had to learn how to deal with. But we got through them and ended up stronger in the end. And sometimes the very things that you want to separate yourself from in the beginning are the ones you need in your life. And sometimes you realize that the ones you thought would be around no matter what, end up being the first ones to shut you out.


You never really know what you will learn until you take that risk. I definitely don’t regret it.

❤ Bunnielight


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